Dogs cleaner than bearded men

Well well well… After nearly 23 years of fighting the ‘War Against Beards’, we finally have scientific research to back up our campaign.

Researchers in Switzerland have found that men with beards carry a considerably higher levels of dangerous bacteria compared to dogs.

Swiss researchers took swabs from the face fluff of 18 men, as well as the necks of 30 dogs, then compared both sets of results.

They found the dogs’ coats had fewer germs than the men with beards.

That’s not the worst of it, seven of the men with face badgers were found to have microbes that were actually a threat to human health!

“The researchers found a significantly higher bacterial load in specimens taken from the men’s beards compared with the dogs’ fur,” Professor Andreas Gutzeit, of Switzerland’s Hirslanden Clinic, said.

“The study found 100% of the bearded men, aged from 18 to 76, showed high microbial counts, but only 77% of the dogs had high counts. The remainder had moderate levels,” Gutzeit said.

“On the basis of these findings, dogs had lower levels of microbes than bearded men, so dogs can be considered as clean compared with bearded men,” he added.

On hearing the results of the survey this morning, a clearly delighted Tom Murphy:

“I’ve said all along that beards are a danger to all. I would like to thank the team in Switzerland for confirming what we have been saying since 1996. We have fought very hard for this verdict and to have it confirmed is a welcome relief,” he said.

“We are now ready to help shave the world,” added Tom.