Hair removal may be at root of Mayo’s GAA win

Usain Bolt, the world’s fastest man, has previously reached speeds of 12.30 metres per second. That’s fast. The average person talks at a rate of three words per second. So, in the time it takes a match commentator to say, ‘Mayo GAA Footballers all appear shaved’, the lightning-fast Bolt could well have travelled nearly 25 metres .

The team behind De Facto, the County Mayo created natural shaving oil, has invested heavily in helping with the long-awaited success of their county’s GAA team. Already, De Facto researchers have shown that there is no such thing as the Foxford Funeral Curse. In an astounding finding it was shown that no Mayo GAA team has ever won the Sam Maguire Trophy while players sported beards. Beards create a no-win situation and De Facto’s research shows conclusively that the real curse is invoked when players don’t shave.

Amazed by these results the company has carried out further research and can now reveal some of the science behind the De Facto findings. According to a paper published in the Journal of Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise removing hair can shave up to 0.01 seconds off 100-metre runs and up to 5.7 seconds off marathon times.  

Every top coach knows that in sport, fractions of a second count. The Mayo GAA players are, to a man, top athletes. De Facto researchers estimate that, at Usain Bolt speeds, a Mayo player could be around five inches ahead of a rival player in that one vital second, by simply shaving themselves ahead of a game. Each and every breaking ball could be won by a Mayo player as long as he wasn’t hirsute.

De Facto Shave is a profit driven commercial concern selling its world leading shaving oil (The Best Anyone Can Get) worldwide. But in an act of incredible generosity and in the interest of Mayo GAA success De Facto founder, Tom Murphy, has eschewed all profit by offering each Mayo player a year’s free supply of De Facto as long as it’s used to bring Sam home. 

Mr. Murphy commented, “Mayo winning silverware matters more to me than any amount of actual silver. To this end I can only ask the coaching staff, family, partners and friends of the Mayo GAA panel to plead with them to heed the science. Shaving makes you faster and faster comes first. For Mayo’s sake, please shave for Saturday.”